I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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