Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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