areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
