mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
