Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
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Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
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my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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