You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
