he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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