I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
