what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
