i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
