There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
