So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
