Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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