I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
