My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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