I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
