Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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