no. you can't hotbox the world.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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