So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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