How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
