My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
