boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
