Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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