Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
