my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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