i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
