I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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