i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
