you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Congratulations! We have a period
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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