At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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