i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
