I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
