He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
