You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
