I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The Olympian is in my bed
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
