remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Semen is not good for contacts.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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