Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
