he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
