i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
