I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
These tits shall not be calmed
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
