I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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