All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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