Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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