Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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