Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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