do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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