Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
