Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
