she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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