hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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