Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
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A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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