yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
