Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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