I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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