That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
