i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
