I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
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We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
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It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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