I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
