you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
