im gay
i know
yea but for you.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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