And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
