I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Is it penis luge time yet?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
