Need sex. Gaining weight.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize