im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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