I hope mine doesn't look like that
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize