i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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