where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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