He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
