so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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