Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize