I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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