Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
