i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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