so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
