I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
