I wanna bring you to show and tell
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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