and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
