I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
