Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
