you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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